Hello, all.
The goal for this class is to acquaint you with the conventions and rules of grammar, usage and English composition for academic writing in college. Another goal, however, is to arm you with the skills you will need in the professional world--the world of work, businesses, and organizations.
Accordingly, each week, I shall post a real world example of a grammar / writing / usage no-no.
Read over the real world writing error, and try to determine where the problem is.
Feel free to post to this blog.
Real World Writing Case # 1: The Inappropriate Memo
Note: This memo was posted internally in a check-printing company. Names and identifying details have been changed.
MEMO
To: Janet Smith
From: Jay Thomas
Date 15 January 2009
Re: New Client PowerPoint Presentation
Any chance of us getting together later today to pow-wow about the Powerpoint presentation for our new client?
Jay
There are a number of problems with this memo. Identify the problems, and suggest how Jay should revise his memo.
Well, I can't see any other comments, so I'm not sure if we are supposed to put our answers here or not, but here is what I have so far...
ReplyDelete1. There is not an appropriate letterhead.
2. The date should be two spaces below the letterhead, and right aligned on the page.
3. There is no inside address.
4. The memo is missing the salutation at the end.
5. The first paragraph is neither indented nor professionally written.
6. His name should be fully typed under the complimentary closing.
7. The signature is missing.
Oops, number four should read.. "The memo is missing the salutation under the letterhead, and before the first paragraph."
ReplyDeleteAlison,
ReplyDeleteYour analysis of the problem areas in this memo is excellent.
What about the use of the emoticon, though, that winks and sticks out its tongue? Is this appropriate for a business communication? Additionally, it could leave Jay open to charges of sexual harassment, even though I am sure this is not his intention.
Thoughts?
~~Colette
Oh, I actually hadn't noticed that was there until you pointed it out!.
ReplyDeleteNow I find the e-mail rather creepy and offensive.. It is under no circumstances appropriate for business communication. Jay comes off creepy, unintelligent, and it definately opens him up for sexual harassment charges.
Even if whoever is receiving this e-mail knows Jay is not that kind of person in the least bit, other people may get a hold of it, or he could accidently send it to someone who would find it offensive.
It may also embarrass the person receiving the e-mail, if the company keeps track of everything the employees do over the computer.. They both could get in trouble for it.
Plus, I think there is a very thick line everyone has to draw between their work life, and their personal life. I worked at McDonalds, in my hometown, for 4 years and I remember on my day of orientation my boss told me "leave your personal life at home, we always want our customers to have a good experience, and if they have a grumpy waitstaff that wont be the cass.. Personal life, and work life are always seperate"...
ReplyDeleteMy mom has taught me a lot about this as well... Even though she may not know it.. She always comes home telling me about how her co-workers are always on their cell phones at work with private calls, when they SHOULD be working, and it always annoys her.. It's little things like that, that teach me the difference between appropriate work life, and private life.
This is a major reason why I think it's very difficult for people to create personal/private relationships with their co-workers. If negative events happen between them privately, it creates an awkward work environment for everyone invovlved, and in some cases coworkers who are not involved.