REAL WORLD WRITING CASE # 6: AMBIGUOUS PHRASES

Hello, all.

This week, our real world writing problem is the use of ambiguous phrases in writing.

If you use a common term, let it mean what most people think it does. Do not wrench it around to mean something new, or unfamiliar. Before: Store the list in the library. After: Store the list in the file called lib.txt. Before: You have now killed the spawned consumer process. After:  You have stopped the process that the host program started, expecting to collect the data for its own calculations. If you use a pronoun such as he, she, it, or they, make sure that the referent appears as the noun just before the pronoun, in the same paragraph. Or replace the pronoun with the noun you were  referring to. Before : The report from the budget group suggests downturns in sales, manufacturing, and orders. They are working on recommendations. After: The report from the budget group suggests downturns in sales, manufacturing, and orders. The budget group is working on recommendations. Before: Degas was unhappy with Monet, one of the leading artists in the movement, because he advertised the exhibition. After: Degas was unhappy because Monet, one of the leading artists in the movement, advertised the exhibition. Do not start a sentence with a solo This or That referring vaguely to the whole previous discussion. Say what you are talking about. This what? That what? Before: The sales of extra-thick glass have risen, despite the economic downturn, and, in particular, slowed construction. This now leads to a workdown in our home and office space supply inventory. After: Despite the economic downturn, and, in particular, slowed construction, the sales of extra-thick glass have risen. This growth in sales means that we are now working down our inventory of supplies for home and office construction. Use the same term for the same idea every time. Do not indulge in creative variations. Before: Click the Outline option on the View menu. Click on Outline on View. Choose Outline on the View menu. Pick Outline off of the View menu. After: Choose Outline on the View menu. Choose Outline on the View menu. Choose Outline on the View menu. Choose Outline off of the View menu. Preserve relative pronouns, such as who and that. Before The index containing all of your entries appears on the left side of the work window. Send an alert to users logged in during the last session. After The index, which contains all of your entries, appears on the left side of the work window. Send an alert to users who have logged in during the last session. Use the articles "a," "an," and "the," to avoid telegraphic density. Before Turn knob clockwise to start engine. After Turn the knob clockwise to start the engine. When referring to another page on the site, name the section, rather than assuming that the reader has already seen it ("As we have said before…") Before The latest news appears at the top. After The latest news appears in Press Reports.   Before On the next level up, look for… After In the Oil Change Overview, look for…. Do not refer to another element of the current page by location (above, below, to the left, to the right). Refer tothe heading for that element. Before …as shown in the table below. After ….as shown in the Table of Results.   Before If you go forward, you’ll see the trends. After You’ll see the trends in the Marketing Survey.   Before To the right, the graph shows that the majority of our calls are for support on the new cellphone. After The majority of our calls are for support on the new cellphone. (See the Support Graph). Source:  http://www.webwritingthatworks.com/DGuideCOG5c.htm Image source:  http://nawctsd.navair.navy.mil/Resources/Library/Acqguide/chicken.gif